-

wrong, it's shameful, it- it's terrible it's terrible but I can't help myself. Oh, I tried to fight it. I insulted you,

I tormented you and I sneered at and jeered at you, all with the thought of driving you out of my mind with contempt, but it was no use. Oh, am I so terrible, darling, to love you the way I do?"

I was now shocked and then successive denouements left me dazed. I mumbled something, then -

-

"Uh there's nothing to be ashamed of, Barbara. Other girls have loved married men before. It's just that I — — ".

-

"MEN? Oh, Lily, dear girl, you don't seem to under- stand! I don't love you that way! I love you as one girl loves another! You're no man to me!" she said scornfully, as I writhed. "You're an utterly captivating, adorable, sweet girl and I love you because you ARE a girl. As a man, you would disgust What is it they call us? Lesbians? Well, that's the way I love you!"

me.

My eyes were as wide as saucers; I dropped my arms from her shoulders and then the realization that she was holding me tightly, possessively, as a man holds a girl, came to me. The sound of something falling just outside the door startled Barbara and, like a streak of lightning, she darted out of the room.

Walking to the door, I looked out and saw Constance picking up an ashtray. She was looking at me.

"You you heard?" She nodded. Then

"Well, why not? Why not go with her? That's about all you're good for now. Why don't you give your- self to her?"

I stared at her, caught a slight tremble in her

58.